Adjustments

Life seems to be made up of a series of adjustments some of which are easier to cope with than others.  I suppose the first major adjustment we all go through is that of actually being born in the first place and having to become independent beings rather than being cossetted in the womb.  The mewling and puking stage as Shakespeare puts it before we move on to the teenage years where we are supposed to find our identities.  Personally I think that's a lot of rubbish and you constantly evolveyour sense of identity partly based on the events and people that shape your life.

I think that some fundamental aspects of our identity are present with us from birth thanks to the genes we carry on from our parents.  I know that my insecurity comes from my mother, my shyness from my father.  Most of the time I am fairly easy going like my father but am also passive-aggressive like my mother and often feel that there is a conspiracy against me which again I think tends to come from my mother.

Back to adjustments - leaving home is the next big one whether that is for univerisity, work or marriage.  That sense of being able to manage for oneself and be a proper grown up.  Fostering that sense of independence is important and marks you out as an adult capable of making your own decisions however badly they may turn out.

Marriage/relationships can involve huge adjustments.  Not just thinking about yourself, meeting the demands of another person can be difficult especially once children come along and that takes a huge amount of adjusting to.

The part of life I am having trouble with is now - the girls have badically left home to study at university and I no longer have a clear role to play.  This has highlighted a number of issues chief amongst them being the distinct lack of a social life with which to fill the time.  How did I get this far in life without making friends?  I have made friends, of course I have, but not the ones that last and that you can call when you're having a bad day or want to go out for lunch.  I have spent several days this holiday totally alone.  Peter has been out at golf with his friends, the girls have been out with theirs or at work and me, I sit alone and pretend I don't mind.  The rest of time I have done the domestic chores there is no time to do in term time and that has been it.  We're planning a day out on Thursday but that will be the only thing achieved this holiday and it makes me wonder what on earth I am going to do with the rest of my life.

How does one make friends?  Where do you go to meet people?  Most things round here run in the day which is no use as I'm at work most of the time.  I have joined a local book club that meets once a month but that is all I have and it is beginning to concern me.  I don't want to become the lonely old woman surrounded by cats but fear that could well be my fate if life carries on like this!!

I need a life plan of some sort to give me something to aim for before I crack up completely.  Now I just need to figure out where to start!